i fell down the stairs because it was so dark, and when i looked up, the top seemed so far. i cried when i hit the bottom, because i just sat there remembering what each step down felt like when it hit my head. it hurt. the sleeping bags are still in my trunk, and i can't tell right now if they'll make me cry tomorrow when i see them. i don't know how motivated i feel to even open it and see what will happen. i want to fall apart, but it just seems impossible to do. i want a lot of things, sleep, that touch. anytime i ever hurt, i just wanted you, and i feel that way now, but i know that you aren't there anymore for me to run to for their arms.

i wish that i was still a kid. i wish that i didn't get the sick lonely feeling when you said goodnight. i wish i still didnt swoon when you said my name.

i wish this didnt hurt. i wish i could still cry. i wish this didnt hurt.