i don't know what it is with my fascination with strangers, but apparently it's dangerous. not like we never learned that through out grade school and into intermediate school, but who cares. i'm at this point now where i don't care how much danger i'm in, if it feels good, then i want it. it's not so much that i don't value my life, but i am just bored all the time. this is not a good thing at all. i don't mean it in a way that i would do bad things, but that being bored just isnt good. i need more interesting things in my life. music has sufficed and it will always be good, but how long it can hold out, i do not know.

it doesnt really matter how complicated you are, and how unfortunate events occur in every day life. times passes and i can't even feel it sometimes. i talk and it doesnt matter. i hear these things and it never makes sense. i feel and it always comes in thousands.

nothing
makes
sense
when
im
not
home

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one know this more than me.
As I come clean.

Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

spaz if you want to

so that's what that is.

nostalgia. a bad dream. fuck. 

i feel good. good as good gets. fuck you.

i don't know what it is.
but this is weird. frustrating.
etc.
fuck

numb

everywhere

"you don't deserve this. this is unfair and you know it.
drop it. i mean really why?
you could be out doing things instead of locked up.
what do you think _____________ is doing? doesnt deserve you"

"you just gotta love love love until its all over.
its not a bad thing to have hope. what do you want to hear?"

you know what to do.

slow dancing in a burning room

how dare you say its nothing to me

baby you're the only light i saw

everyone says man fuck that shit

i say, no. this is gonna make it.

false hope?

i found it.

"when you find this, you know we are soulmates"

i will never cry this hard in my life again.

so it is this. forever and ever. peaceful and chaotic in its own form. sad yet beautiful. and long and short. i can only listen.

i'm learning guitar. thank you. practicing the a and d chords, and my fingers are so sore. :(

sleep seems so good, but i can't find any. hate being alone with nothing to drift to sleep to but the sound of my own echo. i will be okay.

new book

i think what you're doing is a mistake. and i feel like you know it is too. that you don't want this to be real just as much as i don't want it to be real. it's because you're scared. i could hear it in your voice when you said you hated me. you don't hate me. i know you don't. i feel okay even though this process is going to be hard. i didn't end on bad terms with you, like you seemed to with me. i can only apologize so many times to you, and i did. you need to let go of the past and learn to not hold onto it the way you did. i know you wont lose sleep over this, because you never have, and that's okay. we are two different people, and i know you'll think well thats why this is over, but that's not why. it's what kept us together. we were intrigued by each other, and loved each other because we were opposites. cliche, but opposites do attract. maybe sometime down the road you'll come to this realization and we'll be in love again. until then, i guess i just have to keep my pace and keep looking at the brightside of things. you've been the one that's inspired me to do the things i have made a goal to do. and im going to do them, for myself mostly, but because you were that igniting spark as well. and i thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. you've only made me a better person, and for this i will forever be grateful for. i know i will think about you from time to time, and that it wont hurt me, but only make me happy. i'm putting your things in a box. i don't want to get rid of them. but i don't want to see them while i'm trying to get through the healing process. you were my first everything, and i wanted you to be my last everything. i still do somewhere. everything is going to be okay. i know it. and so it really comes to these songs that help me express the way i feel now.




Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

but its not just that. it never was. and what i hold onto now is the memory of when everything felt like i was flying with you, when we sat in your room, right before the shit went down, and we sang to you playing your guitar about our week. thats the memory i am definitely keeping forever. im holding onto others, but thats one i'm trying my hardest to keep from fading.

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain


if there is someone next, they have big shoes to fill. they really do.

I've seen ugly people turn into beautiful people. I've seen ragged and bones into glutton and cholesterol. I don't know how to feel or think. Nothing makes sense sometimes when you aren't here. I can't think.

~we're not gonna be those cool parents~

we'll beat our kids asses





We laugh until we think we’ll die,
Barefoot on a summer night
Nothin’ new is sweeter than with you
And in the streets you run afree,
Like it's only you and me,
Geeze, you're something to see.
Ahh Home. Let me go home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.
Home is wherever I'm with you.